l i f e // november

    

I kind of feel like this season of life should be officially renamed from "engaged" to "Wedding Planning!"I'm always working on it, and  have to consciously make an effort to not talk about it constantly. Its honestly astonishing how many thousands of details and decisions there are to be made. I have lists everywhere which is helping,  but we have to decide everything from shiny tulle or matte tulle, to his wedding band, to what kind of dessert we'll be serving.There are so many things we don't have figured out yet, like honeymoon plans, and what time we're having the wedding... (On a side note, I did my passport application today... even though we don't know where we're going yet. And I was happy the photograph didn't turn out as awful as I've heard most do. ;) 

    I am so excited to get to marry my best friend, (92 days!) and I cannot wait until our wedding day. But lately I've been thinking so much about after the wedding and honeymoon are over. The weeks and months after we say "I do" and real life begins. People keep asking me if I'm nervous to get married. And I'm not nervous at all about marrying Scott. I am completely at peace with the decision to get married, and I'm beyond excited to be his wife and spend forever with him. 
     The only part that makes me nervous at this point is learning to run a household by myself, (obviously with him, but I mean without my mom overseeing things.) and everything that entails. Having to decide what to do for meals every.single.day! Finding a balance between working, and keeping the house together. But I keep hearing that it'll be fine, we'll figure out how to make everything work, and things will settle down into a routine. My sister-in-law and a couple friends have been a huge help with it comes to questions about all that. :)

     Its so strange to think about the fact that in three months I won't be living with my family. I won't be doing any of my normal routine, nannying for my cute kiddos, running siblings around, or the endless laundry. The people I nanny for are starting to look for a new Nanny.  Last month I visited my best friend, Hannah, for a long weekend, and it felt so odd, because its one of the last times we'll hang out just being girly like that. 

anyhow, what has been happening in your life lately? 

xx

the art of being rediculous

John is my trusty photographer. He is sweet and always agrees, and is very gracious by while I change settings, check the lighting and poses and exclaim about how creepy and awkward I look. He just rolls his eyes and snaps another twenty photos. And somehow, with how many pictures we take, its amazing how few "acceptable" ones we get. I think it's a combination of my awkward personality, his laughing at me, and how short my attention span is; because most of the photos we capture end up being entirely ridiculous. Now I'm wondering... do I really appear this ditzy in real life, or just whenever a camera appears. :)

be still my soul

I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul will make its boast in the Lord; The humble will hear it and rejoice.

O Magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His Name together.

I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.

They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed.

This poor man cried , and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them.

O taste and see that the Lord is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!

O fear the Lord, you His saints; For those who fear Him there is no want.

The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; but they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.,

Come, you children, listen to me; I will; teach you the fear of the Lord.

Who is the man who desires life and loves length of days that he may see good?

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.

Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and His ears are open to their cry,

The face of the Lord is against evildoers, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. 

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Many are the affliction of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

He keeps all his bones, not one of them is broken.

Evil shall slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.

The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned.

Psalms 34

Lately I've been dealing with some overwhelming fears, plagued by doubts and worry. Fears are something I've always dealt with, but this is so much more than usual.  I was letting them take over my thoughts, and affect my sleeping. Obviously focusing on the fears and doubts wasn't helping; it was making it much, much worse. So finally, I started doing what I should have been focusing on from the very beginning. I began surrendering my fears to God. Praying even more  than before for wisdom, direction and especially peace. I started clinging to verses from Philippians 4, reading them over and over throughout the day. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God,with surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." and verses from Psalms, "When my anxious thoughts multiply within me your consolations delight my soul." 

God keeps bring out the verses I need to read, in family devos at night, or a cross-reference from Pastor's sermon. Last week at church it was James 1:5-7 "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For the man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways." 

And this morning I randomly opened the Psalms, and began reading Psalms 34, and it  felt like it was exactly what God wanted me to read. "I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears." He hears and he answers our prayers! And He can and will deliver me from all my fears! 

I've been listening to this song over and over too, and it's been really helping. Sometimes it is just really hard to remember to be still and wait on the Lord. "Leave to thy God to order and provide. In every change he faithful will remain. Be still my soul, thy Best, thy heavenly friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end. 

So, this is a very "rambly" post, but I just was so excited this morning, because I felt complete peace. God is so faithful, and so loving! I am excited to see where He leads me, and in the meantime I will continue to cling to His promises! :)

f e a r l e s s

fears...
i've struggled with fear for as i can remember. normal fears like heights, and swimming in waters with fish and "various creatures," spiders and reptiles of all kinds. I struggle with irrational fears like suffocating alone in the bathroom and being found randomly by a family member, or falling to my death from some great height.
     rejection...
     being alone...
     not being able to respond and assist in a crisis...
     walking away with huge regrets...
     saying the wrong thing...
     or nothing at all...
     making the wrong choice in something huge like marriage, moving or college...
     hurting someone i desperatly love...
     missing opportunities...

i find myself panicking when i start to think about my future and decisions i am going to be faced with. what if i make the wrong choice and it literally ruins my life. 

but i've slowly come to realize over the past month, as i've really been thinking about it, that my fears do not define who I am as a person, nor do they confine me. I can move past them and work through them. i'm reminded of a quote i read recently, somewhere, (honestly probably on pinterest,) that said something to the effect of "impossible is just an excuse to not even try." my fears are a sort of protective bubble that I have allowed to surround myself, they've become an excuse to escape a situation i'm not comfortable with.

     So even though the idea of job interviews and having to talk to strangers scares me and the idea of courting/dating and marriage terrifies me and makes me absolutely freak out sometimes, I can work through my fears one bit at a time, and perhaps, slowly i will gain confidence and things that scare me into a panic won't bother me at all.

this is my goal, the "object" that i will be perusing this year, if you will allow the muddle expression. i'm eighteen, and ready to start living fully, without constantly shrinking down inside because i'm afraid. 

f e a r l e s s :

courageous; resolute in the face of danger or challenges.

synonyms: bold, brave, courageous, valiant, gallant, plucky, lionhearted, heroic, daring

{I am not, however, planning to work on my fear of insects or reptiles. i consider the fear of these to be extremely healthy fears, helpful in keeping one's distance from creatures that should be avoided at all costs...}

"the Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall i fear. the Lord is the defense of my life; whom shall i dread." Ps. 27:1

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you for i am your God. I will help you, surely i will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Is 41:10

"Say to those with anxious heart, Take courage, fear not."

Is 35;4

"Because you are with me, I will NOT fear."

Ps. 118:6

"the biggest prison people live in is the fear of what others may think." - Unknown