Wednesday, May 9, 2012

a sign on a plumbers trunk:

We Repair what your husband fixed!
 I’m the kinda person who loves to laugh, (all the time!) tells jokes, (all the time!) and laughs at the punch line while I’m saying it. I also tell corny jokes. I think everyone has gotten used to it and smiles just to please me!!! J
Anyway, I decided to post a bunch of things that make me laugh!!! :)

A guy told his sister she should have the tires rotated on her car. Without skipping a beat, she said, "But don't they do that when I'm driving?"


A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought God had given him two feet.

Without hesitation, the son replied, "That's easy, one for the clutch and one for the accelerator."


~~~~~ Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. ~~~~~

I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married in the U.S. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?


I saw this on someones blog recently, and thought it was awesome!! :) I totally agree. ^


The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's in trouble.
~~~~~If you have a lot of tension and get a headache, do what it says on the asprine bottle;
 "Take two asprine, and "Keep away from children."~~~~~

The second day of dieting is always easier than the first. By the second day, you're off it!
I am in shape. Round is a shape! :)

Men have three basic hairstyles: Parted, unparted, and departed! ( lol)

Telltale signs of Advanced Parenthood...

- You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

- (for Mom's only!) You only have time to shave one leg at a time.

- You hide in the bathroom just to get some "alone time."

- You consider fingerpaint to be a controlled substance.

- You've mastered the art of placing large amounts of scrambled eggs and pancakes on the same plate without anything "touching."

- You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.

- You con your kid into thinking that "Toys R Us" is a toy MUSEUM and not really a store.

- You fast-forward through the scene where Bambi's mom gets killed.

- You hear YOUR parents voice when it's you that screams "Not in THOSE clothes you don't!"

- You hire a sitter because the two of you haven't been out in ages, then spend half the night calling home to check on the kids.

- Rock concerts give you a headache

- and finally, you KNOW you're a victim of Advanced Parenthood when you start offering to cut up other people's food for them!

I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights.

A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."
^I adore this little guy!!! J



  1. And I don't mind that you tell lots of 'em! lol

    I love corny word plays the best, usually. ;)

  2. Those were funny! Just what i needed after a full day of homework.


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